What the heck is this creature?! Also, a name change!

I was walking on campus this afternoon and daintily side-stepped a stick. All of my actions are dainty. 
Anyway.
I looked at the stick again.
It wasn't a stick.

But I can't say what it is.

Can you? Please? It really freaked me out! Is it a praying mantis? Are they supposed to be this beige color? I thought they were green? An aged and thus bleached-out grasshopper mayhaps? I'm hoping the latter; in my opinion mantises belong in the same category as silverfish {& Carrot Top} - a part of nature, which I love, but dis-gust-ing nonetheless.
Also, you, dear reader, might notice a slightly new header. Yes indeedy, I am now, in fact, a Señora! I'd like to unroll a more autumnal  blog design come Fall. That happens around September 21st because I like to follow rules, like when the seasons really do switch over. I'm paranoid like that.
Happy almost-Friday y'all; it's gonna be my first married weekend!
xoxo, natty ♥